9 May, Metro Theatre

The sparse crowd stood still waiting, watching the stage ready for an appearance. Then suddenly a demon-like chant filled the Metro theatre’s walls, “These New South Whales, These New South Whales, These New South Whales…”  Four strapping young men adorned in black mesh, black nipple tape, pleather and pocket chains took to the stage and picked up their instruments. It was punk rock meets Max Black – Newtown’s poshest and sexiest adult entertainment store.

In the beginning, it seemed as if no one in the crowd knew what the fuck was going on and it was brilliant. A few people stared with mouths open and eyes gaping. While others just head bopped unsurely. The strobe lighting mixed with overuse of reverb would’ve sent any epileptic into a fit. Are you even punk bro? The bands sound was not to be questioned. The filthiness of trashy punk tunes was reminiscent of a crappier Sex Pistols.

“Why don’t you fucking listen for a minute. I’m trying to talk.” lead singer Jamie Timony yelled over the mic to an audience member in the front, during an interval of rambling speech.“I’m 30 times funnier than I am tonight,” he said later. Timony is a much lesser and darker punk rock counterpart of Kirin J. Callinan. These New South Whales are entertaining in all senses of the word. The music is great, their stage presence is dramatic, and they have the comedic box checked. The band closed their set for the night with pop track Cholesterol Heart. Move over heart-throbs and welcome a heart-attack cause that’s what you’re in for when watching the These New South Whales lads play a live set.

The hour was nigh. The Metro theatre was packed out. It felt stinking hot. The air smelled thick and tasted of anticipation. Sweat dripped from brows as skinny bitches (a no-nonsense drink) and litres of beer were thrown back. (Gin for me. I’ve been watching a fair bit of Peaky Blinders as of late). A four-person human totem pole swayed in the middle of the room – a welcoming party for the headlining band to take the stage. Argue all you want but DZ Deathrays are quickly becoming the greatest and babest band in Australia. They have released banga after banga after banga and have plenty more to conquer around the world.

Shane Parsons took his place at the front with an accompanying guitarist. Simon Ridley sat down for the drums and that’s when the wizardry happened… it was “bloody lovely” to watch. Because, you know – a predominant amount of tracks were played off the new album, Bloody Lovely. Watching DZ Deathrays play is like riding a rollercoaster all the way to Mount Doom. It’s scary, exhilarating and just when you think it can’t get any more action-packed you’re inside a volcano with burning molten lava and Gollum is pulling off your limbs. DZ Deathrays were spitting fire while the crowd elbowed, pushed and pulled your body. The DZ lads play fast, hard and absolutely shred. They were everything you could dream from a semi-punk and rock’n’roll group.

Coincidentally as Shane sung “With your face on the floor” – lyrics from Feeling Good, Feeling Great – a shoe just so happened to soar through the air and on its downward spiral hit someone in the face who then dropped to the floor. They were totally fine but the timing was rather comical. The lads ended their set with Shred For Summer and the crowd’s screams were deafening. The combination of electro synths, trashy as shit guitar solos, running around on stage like madmen, Parsons having his back turned during some points, the powerful drumming, plus everything else made every audio and visual stimuli in your body radiate with pleasure. Ever had a musicgasm? You’ll experience one if you go watch their ‘whopping-fat-set-list’ in the future. Either that, or a total meltdown…